Starting Over - The Biggest Challenge in Life

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 Finding Beauty in Despair 



For as long as I can remember, I have had this dream. It was a dream that started before I was even 10 and it carried me my darkest days, gave me joy beyond measure, hope when there was nothing but this to believe in. As I navigated life, the dream was always there - during the my good times, bad times, and loneliest times. 

Keeping your dreams alive as you grow older is a challenge but this dream burnt with such intensity that it was easy. Well, that is as until the dream came "true". And then I found myself in Central Europe (formerly known as Eastern Europe). And just as easily as a balloon can pop or a bubble can burst, the dream was over.  It is something that is still sweet but just as bitter and there's a story to be told. And it must be told. My side of the story. And it will happen over time. 

Storms will happen in all our lives


When I walked away, it was just on instinct. And, yes, in hindsight it was a dumb thing to do but I had my reasons. However, I could never imagine the road it would put me on. I have always been proud that I usually take the road less traveled... but this one was the rockiest road I have ever embarked on. That is to put it mildly. 

Fast forward a few months later, I am stuck... with spiralling debt and little sense of direction. But there's always beauty in despair. I have learned that 95% of the people I have invested so much time and energy in are not worth it. Do I regret caring so deeply or always trying to help them? No... well, maybe 2-3 who really turned out to be so ruthless that I hope to never see them or deal with them again. 



The Boss always told me that everyone wants to dance with you when the sun is shining but nobody will hold out an umbrella for you when the rain comes. Well, something to that effect. I think this is a more elegant and refined version. But that is exactly what happened. All the so called "friends" vanished except for a very select few. So I learned that these "friends" were only there because it served them.  



What I found pathetic is that the ones who were so-called "family" could not make up their own minds. I lost all respect for them. But the ones who did not get involved and still showed up gave me hope. And I better off without the rest and they are not worth my time. 

This will be my journey of starting over, speaking up, showing up and celebrating all things beautiful. 


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