Why Pageants Became the Love of My Life - A Celebration of Strength
PREVIOUSLY: Prologue
Hindsight is such a wonderful thing - beautiful, sweet, inspirational but also usually a bit painful without the extreme sting of the deep, overwhelming hurt that you might have felt at the time. I find people who say that you should just look ahead a bit misguided because, you see, without hindsight there can be no reflection. And reflection is something that guides you towards a deeper understanding of yourself, others, your environment, what's trivial and what's not and just life in general, I would argue.
Now, as I am writing, I am also discovering that yes I usually proclaim that this year it will be 35 years of pageants being integral to my existence. The truth, I am discovering while opening a bit of a Pandora's box, is that it actually runs longer and deeper. And it has all to do with something powerful - strength.
The Beauty of Appreciating Strength in Different Shapes and Forms
I don't expect people who know nothing about pageants to understand what they have to do with strength. But those who love them, have worked in them, competed or just been in some sort of proximity to them will understand that the people who you see, judge, criticize or critique, celebrate, lust after in some cases, admire or obsess about are actually incredibly really brave or they become really brave.
Let me tie it in a better way to my personal experience and my story about why pageants became "the love of my life". Simply said, it goes back to my mother. And that surprises me the most of all. She did not exactly love the fact that I had this hobby... but I know she grew to really love what I did with it.
One of the constant or recurring themes of life is that people older than you who talk to you or tell you stories about their childhood will mention 'times were different then'. You might have heard it, you might have said it and Gen Z might be rolling their eyes... but trust me... sooner than you think, you will catch yourself saying the very same thing to Gen... uhm what comes after Z... AA?
Women (And, please, it is not lost on me that the same can be applied to minorities in different, unique, equally challenging ways) still have to fight hard to make inroads in male dominated industries, societies, cultures, spheres (whatever you wish to say). And I applaud that this is mentioned and that the good fight has not stopped. For the past 7 years, I have been so busy actively encouraging 'the good fight' that I did not exactly spend enough time looking back to reflect. Even though you might not agree with my opinion, perhaps you can just consider that while you are fighting now for a better future for all, you should not underestimate the lessons, challenges or achievements of those who have come before you.
What I am about to say could be a little bit controversial but in 'those days' society's stance on issues such as domestic abuse was not as damning as it is today. Heck, even today many women (and men) still suffer in silence. And, I can't actually really speak on behalf of society, it's way too complicated. But this is my recollection and I guess it might just be a misguided version of how I made sense of perceive it about back then. From what I can remember there was more of a 'that's just how it is' or 'let's look the other way' mentality. My mother was a victim and while I was young, unfortunately, I witnesses more than one incident, not just towards my mother. It's not something I would like to go into.
DYNAMITE: With my grandmother and my mother's remaining siblings at her funeral. My grandmother is 95 now, raised 4 children after her husband died and is still going strong
But my mother was a strong woman when she was young. And she was beautiful. After my father died, it was just the two of us. Over the years, I grew up of a very clear understanding of what it means to be strong woman and also what kind of judgment comes with, what kind of labels come with it. It just made my respect for women grow more and more. I am one of those people who believe women do most things better than men. Bold statement, I know. To each their own.
While thinking about what I want to write, and I am kind of going back and forth, which is not how I usually write. I don't usually struggle to put my thoughts together or "on paper" but this is just sometimes the process and you have to dig even when your senses tell you to stop. It did, however, help me to remember a piece of the puzzle that I had never even considered.
I remember that Miss South Africa 1989, Michelle Bruce, was brave enough to speak up - I am not sure if it was at the end of her reign or after it about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her partner at the time. When I can close my eyes, I can see the article and I remember reading about how he assaulted her when he saw her Miss South Africa entry photos in the papers. I remember that I was moved by her courage and that I had so much admiration for her candour at a time when many of these stories were left untold. More than that I can't say because it's too long ago but I remember that I thought she was strong and brave and I just had the overwhelming feeling that her story is an important story and, even more importantly, that it is good that is in the newspapers because it must be something that women hear - that she left this person. Had she not been Miss South Africa, it might not have been front page news. And, in this way, maybe now the challenge is just the opposite. There are too many cases, too many people have spoken out and there's just too much out there and people have been desensitised - or they just read and move on too easily. In too many ways, that's even worse.
So, while I could write on and on, I would like to get back to my why. Why pageants became the love of my life. It was when I started watching them with more understanding (not just fleeting glimpses - I do remember watching Miss South Africa 1989 on a little black and white tv but didn't really know what it was about. (Also, I am ashamed to say I wanted someone else to win but that does not diminish the respect I have had for Michelle since I learned more about her, her struggles and the boundaries that she dared to cross and stereotypes she dared to challenge. Truly and out of the box queen!) It was only in 1991 that I really started to even begin to develop an understanding - very basic at first of course but the crux of my love remains.
The bottom line is that I just found it absolutely incredible that there was this platform where women could be beautiful, nice, smart, speak, achieve, and get everyone talking, get everyone's attention and, for the most part, be revered for it. A major nuisance for me then was when everyone came to watch the very same Miss South Africa in 1991 and the grown men made lewd comments about the women in swimwear. It irked me then and it still irks me now. That never changed. Let's just say, there was never a viewing party again after that. I made sure of it. It became sacred. I did not want to hear any negativity or comments I deemed inappropriate. That also did not really change that much over the years. I want to celebrate the good and the beautiful.
To wrap up, because I guess it might not be exactly crystal clear what I mean: pageants have represented something appealing to me for as long as I can remember. Strength. Strength of character, inner strength, the strength to subject yourself to people's opinions and criticism, the strength to allow yourself to be judged, the strength to show up because of, despite of, the strength represented in the power of being beautiful, smart, ambitious, hardworking, fearless, bold.
UNIVERSAL APPEAL: Anntonia, Miss Universe 2023 runner-up and Jessica Newton,
director of Miss Peru and Miss Universe top 10 finalist in 1987. Lucky me!
So that was one of the greatest draws for me and decades later, when I was lucky enough for what now feels like just a moment and way too short, be part of working in them full time, the love grew because I got so a deeper and newfound love for the word I kept pushing: THE EXPERIENCE. Because I saw that this is valuable. It works. There's growth, transferrable life skills and invaluable personal development to be acquired both by women and men choosing to enter these "superficial" things. It just runs so much deeper. And while they are being held up as these beings of perfection or scrutinised to look for the slighest flaws to "score" (HATE THAT!!!) lower, they are for the most part just people who have insecurities, too, and for a second I wanted to say that they are "normal" but I don't think they are. Because I see them as strong. Strong enough to dare to dream, to dare to be different, to dare to put in the hours, to dare to be bold, to dare to be kind, to dare to open their hearts, to dare to be judged. And in many cases, despite of, because of or in search of.
If I could make you feel how deeply I admire that, I think you would love what the world often laughs about just as deeply and passionately as I do.
COMING UP: Why Pageants Became the Love of My Life - A Celebration of Service
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